The surprising way to talk to yourself — instantly crush self-doubt & fear
Following on from Part I & II, here we are at the final instalment of the alter ego trilogy.
It’s time to wrap this baby up, but not without first tackling a couple of other great ideas…concepts that will amp up the power of your alter ego.
In Part II, we touched briefly on how we speak to ourselves.
Such an unconscious & reflexive action…and how often is it positive?
Probably not very often.
In case you’re wondering how this all ties in with an alter ego, you’ll see soon enough!
Thanks to Todd Herman (author of The Alter Ego Effect), and others, who are such cheerleaders for the alter ego, you’ll soon understand why:
Words are just as important as the mind’s power for visualisation
Ready? Let’s go!
The best way to talk to yourself
People always say that you should talk to yourself in the same way you talk to a best friend.
I agree.
And it’s something I always try to remember during times of feeling like I’m disappointing myself in some way.
Sometimes I succeed at it. Sometimes I don’t.
If we struggle to talk to ourselves like decent, respectable human beings, Herman suggests we take a step back and talk to ourselves in the 2nd person.
(Don’t worry, I won’t think you’re crazy if you do this).
Think about when a family member or best friend offers soothing or encouraging words. You listen, and chances are you feel better.
The same could happen when you talk to yourself in the same way, saying “You’re this or that”, “You don’t need to feel that way”, “You shouldn’t think like that”.
You get the idea.
Again we circle back to this concept of distance which we spoke of in Part II.
Create a bit of distance between yourself and your negative words or feelings…and give yourself the chance to treat yourself like you would a best friend or loved one.
And the best way do this is to talk to yourself in the 2nd person.
(If you want to know more about how an alter ego helps create the distance & space you need, have a read here.)
…but beware the blind spot
I’m a wordy person. I really believe in the power of words and we’re told again and again how words shape our internal realities…
…which in turn shape our external realities.
So, how we talk to ourselves clearly has a profound effect on us.
In addition to, or even in spite of, our environment, we alone reinforce the positive & negative aspects of our lives (and personality…and alter ego).
I’m sure you know the phrase “It’s all a matter of perspective”….perspective, together with your choice of words, will shape how you see yourself & the world around you.
Through this, you have the power to decide whether your life is filled with positivity & possibility, or negativity & lack, regardless of what’s going on in the moment.
In an interview of Herman with Tom Bilyeu (founder & host of Impact Theory), they talk briefly of schotoma.
In medical terms, it’s a blind spot in the field of vision.
It now exists as a concept in psychology where you simply can’t see things for what they truly are, because you’re filtering reality through your (mostly negative) beliefs.
It’s also a bit of a chicken and egg situation — which came first?
The negative self-talk due to the belief, or the belief due to the continuous negative self-talk?
Mmmm…
It’s a tough one and worthy of a lengthy discussion with someone over a glass of wine, no?
Essentially, if you talk to yourself in the 1st person in a negative way, you just keep building those limiting boundaries.
And as world-renowned hypnotherapist Marisa Peer always says, your mind will believe anything & everything you say to it, regardless of whether it’s true or not.
Your mind can’t tell the difference. It can’t tell what’s true or not.
But it will take whatever you say and use it as a way to protect you, by reinforcing the ‘truth’ of it and echoing it back to you.
Mind. Blown.
How to make your alter ego (and enemy) as real as you are
As you’ve been reading along (and hopefully having read Part I & Part II), I imagine you’ve been able to connect the trains of thought.
You construct an alter ego out of the characteristics & traits of others (your sources of inspiration).
You first needed to look outside of yourself in order to better understand what you want to embody — but then learnt that on a deeper level, these very traits already exist within you.
You just needed a way to lure them out.
We discussed the positive attributes we’d like to dig up, and also discussed how we can use negative emotion as well.
Then, finally looking at how we talk to ourselves, the alter ego starts to take on shape.
It’s personified.
In our mind’s eye, it becomes a real person, a real dimension of our everyday selves.
In the same way, the ‘enemies’, as Herman calls them, also need to be personified.
The Enemy is the thought / image / sensation that holds us back from doing what we need to do, when we need to do it.
If we’re going to give it the boot, we need to know WHAT / WHO we’re kicking aside.
It needs to have a name & shape.
In his book The Alter Ego Effect, Herman takes you through the process of personifying your alter ego and your enemy. In moments where you’re struggling to trigger your ego, you need an extra weapon up your sleeve.
To be honest, the next couple of tricks are useful to know whether you have an alter ego or not!
So, please continue reading…
2 ways to crush your doubt & fear
Essentially, when we have given our Enemy form & shape, we can face it head on. (I do love a bit of a confrontation sometimes!)…
…and then engage in a very powerful dialogue.
Well, actually, it’s more of a monologue because you won’t be giving it time to backchat you!
In the moments when you need to be in tiptop shape, here are 2 ways to banish the Enemy from your playing field (to use Herman’s words) :
>> Give the enemy a name and tell it exactly where it belongs — out of sight & out of mind.
For example, you’re about to give an important presentation, but your dratted nerves have the better of you. You can’t quite seem to kick up into the next gear of alter ego awesomeness.
You call your Enemy out by name and say to it “So-and-so, this board room is mine! I’m the boss, I call the shots and you don’t belong here. Get your ass to the lift, press B for basement and get outta here. You’re not welcome anymore. I’ve got important work to do”
>> Or perhaps you need something more along the lines of affirmations.
So when the potent, foundation-shaking question arises, “Who am I to think I can achieve XYZ?”, you need to have even more potent statements at the ready.
For example, you’re working on a massive creative project that you’ll be showing off to the world soon.
That naughty, little question starts to ricochet around your brain.
You stand up straight and say to yourself out loud, “I’m the one who shows up every day, full of commitment. I’m the one who refuses to give in to laziness and procrastination in order to finish this project. I’m the one who is an inspiration to others. I’m the one who started this project with no room for giving up. So, you know what naughty, little question? You don’t belong here.”
The key ingredient is using the phrase “I am…” and following it up with absolute resolve, conviction, belief & positivity.
The final piece of the alter ego puzzle
As we wrap up this winding journey through ‘Alter Ego Land’, there are 2 more important points that need to be made.
The first one is mindset.
I know, I know, such a tired word.
(Poor thing).
But it’s true.
Before you go book shopping and start building your new best friend in the shape of an alter ego (I’m not being sarcastic), first check what kind of mindset you have.
Without the right mindset, any action you take could be massive a waste of effort.
Do you operate on one railway track only? Is your mindset static and cast in stone?
Or do you believe that there are multiple railway tracks for your train to travel on? Is your mindset more flexible? Are you open to learning & growth?
Only the latter will help in building an alter ego.
The second point is one of the glorious impressions left by Herman’s book…which is the complete lack of judgement in creating & using an alter ego.
He gives you the insights, the tools & the ideas, but how you use them is up to you.
There is no right or wrong way.
Now isn’t that news to our ears which only ever seem to hear what we should be doing!
We’re all unique…
…as will be our alter egos, or triggers, to step into greatness. No one ever needs to know about what you create for yourself, or use.
It’s yours alone, to call upon when you need to.
Through an alter ego, we can change the perception of what’s possible or not.
If you think about it, that’s quite exciting, isn’t it?
(if you want to know more about triggers — from Part II — read this to quickly get an idea of what it means)
>> SIMPLE CONCEPT <<
>> Get out of your own way by creating an alter ego — the part of yourself that will trump the fearful, doubtful part of yourself — and take you to the next level of achievement.
>> Having an alter ego isn’t about being fake — it’s about uncovering the deeper, still-authentic parts of yourself
>> Give yourself permission to grow, evolve and achieve through using an alter ego
>> There is no right or wrong way — only the way that works for you
>> Psychological blind spots, or schotomas, cause us to view ourselves & the world through our negative beliefs
>> BOLD ACTION <<
>> Decide which mindset you have: static or flexible? If it’s static, can you try to adopt a more flexible one?
>> If your perspective is negative, ask yourself whether you’re being influenced by a negative belief or an actual fact…then decide your reaction, action & feeling from there
>> Grab Todd Herman’s book and start creating that alter ego! It’s that simple. (It’ll take literally a couple of days to read!)
